Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
