You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
