sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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