Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
