Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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