I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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