I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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