It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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