Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
