porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
