So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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