I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need to get me chipped asap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
