You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
