he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
