Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
