yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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