I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
