Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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