we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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