I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize