Can i not drive my cunt home
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
