someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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