She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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