I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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