im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
