My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize