if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
