If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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