Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
