I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
