everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
