Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
