a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
