WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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