I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
