I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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