Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
