It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
