We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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