i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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