Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize