oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
