so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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