Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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