The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
