Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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