I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
