I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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