My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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