Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
