my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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