You made me cry and you don't even care
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
