You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
