why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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