Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
