she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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