i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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