I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you traded sex for a burrito?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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