next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
