Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
