The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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