how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
