I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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